


Idiot Plot

by AngGriffen



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-09
Updated: 2007-05-09
Packaged: 2017-10-29 04:28:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/315829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngGriffen/pseuds/AngGriffen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone has a cruuuush.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Idiot Plot

> "The Idiot Plot, you'll recall, is a movie plot that depends on everyone in the movie being an idiot. If they were not, the movie would be over within 15 minutes and we could all go home. But that never happens in an Idiot Plot; The characters make such incredibly stupid blunders that we're stuck for a whole movie, watching them wander fecklessly through their own lives."  
>  \--Roger Ebert

 

The whole thing started because one off-day, while Justin Morneau was downstairs watching Animal Planet (it was one of the ones where the lions really fuck up the gazelles' shit, and those were definitely Justin's favorite), Joe padded downstairs, peeked his head into the room, and said, "Hey, Justin. Can I ask you a favor?"

Since Joe was Justin's buddy, and letting him live with him this season, which was turning to be a really good idea because Justin was suddenly having an  _amazing_  year, and sure he was paying rent and everything, but really, since Joe was such an all-round okay dude--and lucky to boot!--Justin said, "Yeah, sure. Whatcha need?"

And Joe kind of stared at his feet for a second, like he was feeling all conflicted about asking for whatever it was, and Justin was just starting to think that Joe was going to ask him to get off the couch and go clean the bathroom or something equally gross, when Joe finally blurted out, "Look. Can I... have the house to myself for a couple hours?"

Which was weird, because it wasn't like the house was particularly  _small_. Justin could just hang out in the basement and take a nap if Joe was going to have Chelsea over for naked time or whatever it was those crazy kids did. But, well, it  _was_  Joe's house, and even though Justin was paying rent and everything, Joe was totally giving him a break on the actual price, because the house was nice, and there was a dishwasher (not that they actually ate off real plates very often, but the point remained!) and a washer and dryer right there in the house, and Joe was pretty cool about the time he walked in on Justin and this girl he picked up having sex in the kitchen, even though Joe was kind of OCD about where it was sanitary to be naked, and the point was that Joe asking him to duck out for a little bit wasn't that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, so Justin said, "Sure," and went upstairs to find his shoes.

Justin ended up walking around St. Paul for a little bit, and found this really cool eight year old girl who wanted to chase some ducks around the park with him, and that was fun for about fifteen minutes until one of the ducks got really pissed off, and then it was kind of scary because he had a crying eight year old on his hands, and the girl's mom was looking at him like he was a terrible person, and that kind of sucked. So then he went to get coffee, and he met this really cute girl named Erin with really tacky earrings and a really short skirt at the coffee place, and scored her number even though she didn't know who he was, which hardly ever happened.

By the time Justin got back to the house, he was in a pretty good mood.

He was even in a pretty good mood when he walked into the kitchen and Joe was  _cooking_ , even though that was clearly hint number one that he'd stepped into Bizarro World.

The cordless phone lay next to the stove, and was kind of saucy-looking, and Joe looked a little overwhelmed for just pasta, and Joe said, "So, I was talking to my mom, right? And she's been all 'you can't eat out every single day!' and so I thought I'd give this... making dinner thing a try."

Justin blinked, because that really wasn't what he'd been expecting (what he'd been expecting involved a lot more naked Miss USA and a lot less tomato sauce). "You had to kick me out of the house so you could boil some pasta?"

"Well, you know. I wanted to really go for the surprise factor," Joe said, and smiled, all teeth and fogged-up glasses.

And that was when it hit Justin that Joe Mauer had a crush on him.

*

Once Justin realized that Joe was totally crushing, it all became very obvious. He didn't know how he could have missed it. Joe was always hanging out with him, and playing video games with him, and looking to him for entertainment and advice. To tell the truth, Justin was a little bit hurt because he'd finally found someone other than Crain (who didn't count because he was also Canadian and therefore biased) who actually wanted to hear all his old hockey stories, and now it turned out that Joe just wanted to hear those stories because he was secretly fantasizing about getting into Justin's pants.

He should have noticed that sometimes Joe would pat his butt a little bit too enthusiastically after a good game. And he was so comfortable with Justin in the locker-room, all half-naked and chatty, when really it was because Joe was enjoying the view. Justin couldn't believe he hadn't noticed. It was a little bit embarrassing.

Justin was okay with people wanting to get into his pants, of course. He was hoping Erin wanted to get into his pants, for example, because she seemed like she really knew what to do when inside a dude's pants. But Justin was pretty sure he wasn't cool with living with a dude under false pretenses. It was totally different when a guy was rooming with you and secretly jerking off at night thinking about getting it on with you. That wasn't buddies. Justin felt a little bit objectified, and it should have been awesome, but really it just sucked.

He shouldn't have eaten the damn pasta, which had been a little bit chewy and over-garlicked, because he'd encouraged Joe, and next thing he knew Joe would be getting drunk and crawling into bed with him or something, and that was just not on.

He'd have to nip this thing in the bud before it got any worse. Living with Joe when Joe had a crush on him was just a bad idea. That was the sort of thing that could ruin teams. They'd never win the division if Joe was all torn up inside, dreaming about Justin sleeping next door.

Justin didn't want to stop being Joe's roommate, though. They were friends, and the place was lucky, and, seriously, not having to cart all his dirty clothes down to the laundromat was something Justin always appreciated. He'd have to come up with some way to deal with it, and make sure Joe stopped having a crush on him before it was too late and the Twins imploded and didn't get a new stadium and got relocated to Oklahoma or something, and Justin ended up traded to the Nationals. That would suck.

*

Justin couldn't very well say something about it that night after Joe  _cooked_  (badly) for him; that would just be rude. For a second, Justin contemplated maybe just going with it because Joe seemed like he was really into a romancing a dude, and Justin never got romanced. Joe would probably by him flowers and shit. He'd bet  _Erin_  wouldn't buy him flowers.

He decided he'd wait and confront Joe about it the next day, but the next day he overslept, and Joe had to come drag him out of bed, and once they got to the clubhouse, Punto was hiding from him again, acting like he didn't  _know_  that Justin couldn't hit properly unless he had that damn smoothie that Punto always made for him. So instead of mentioning to Joe over breakfast, totally suave, "Hey, about your crush on me. I think it might break the ballclub, so you should probably stop," Justin ended up spending his Thursday running through the clubhouse trying to find Punto, who, of course, ended up hidden in the trainer's room, shouting through the door, "You know what goes in it! Make your own damn drink, you fucker!"

Punto didn't understand the  _importance_  of a  _routine_.

Justin had been pounding on the door for about five minutes when Joe came over, and shushed him before pushing him out of the way. "Lemme handle it," he said conspiratorially before shooing Justin off.

Justin was so dead-set on maintaining his routine he didn't think about it; he just stepped out of the way and back into the locker room to sit on the bench and hope Joe knew what he was doing.

Two minutes later, Joe was frogmarching Punto out of the trainer's room, just  _manhandling him_. "Look, Morneau's just fuckin' crazy, Nicky. You gotta take one for the team!" Joe was shouting as he made his way over to where Justin was sitting.

Punto wriggled out of Joe's grasp, but Justin was wily and got a hand on Punto's wrist, dragging him out to make that damn smoothie. What the hell was Punto trying to do, ruin his batting average? Seriously, Punto didn't understand what was important in life.

They were halfway out of the room when Joe shouted, "Hey! Hey! What do you say, you ungrateful fucker?"

"My  _hero_ ," Justin trilled back.

Later, when he had half the smoothie down and was enjoying the rush of caffeine and protein and deliciousness (Punto was a smoothie-making  _Jesus_ ), it occurred to Justin that he shouldn't lead Joe on like that, even if Joe was going to do nice things for him. Justin wasn't that kind of guy, and Joe was going to get the wrong idea.

*

Justin had hoped that he'd be able to just wait it out.  _He'd_  had embarrassing crushes before, like that completely ill-advised thing for Jessica Barnes in grade ten, and they usually went away, once he'd realized they were, in fact, stupid and ill-advised. Justin figured that Joe was probably also a pretty sensible guy because he cared more about things like separating his whites and his reds when he did laundry, which meant that he understood shit like consequences and being doomed to pink socks way better than Justin did, so Joe would probably come to the conclusion that he needed to stop crushing on Justin a lot quicker than Justin had realized that he and Jessica had something in common and that thing was wanting to have sex with girls.

The problem with this plan was that Joe kept  _doing_  things, like Tivo-ing movies Justin liked when they were on TV, and there was nothing Justin liked better than watching the really bad TBS edits of  _The Breakfast Club_  and  _The Craft_ , with all the cursing turned into nonsense phrases. Joe wrestled Punto into submission at least once a week in the clubhouse when Punto got mouthy about ruining Justin's routine. And there was this period of about a week where Joe had come into Justin's room to pull him out of bed at noon because Justin had overslept, and Justin went three-for-four with five RBI, and he didn't even have to ask, Joe just came in and pulled him out of bed every day until the hit streak broke at six.

The point was that this crush of Joe's had to stop.

It wasn't that Justin had never been the object of an unwanted crush before--just the other day, there was this thirteen year old girl with braces who wanted his autograph, and then wanted his phone number--but there was a difference between fans having unrequited crushes and his roommate having one.

This thing had to be nipped in the bud, and Justin didn't know what to do about it on his own, so, early in the morning before a day game in Chicago, when Justin opened the door to his hotel room just as Torii was walking past his room, he figured it was a sign from the gods of... whatever, and that he was going to have to ask somebody for advice. Torii was an all right guy. And he made a lot of money, and was married and had kids, so he obviously knew what was what.

Justin hurried out of his room to grab Torii by the elbow, and said, "Hey, hey. Torii. Man. I need some advice."

"If it burns when you pee, you should see a doctor," Torii replied, deadpan.

Justin shook his head, "No. Different advice. Like--" He paused as Torii hit the down button on the elevator. "Okay, so say there's this girl who has a crush on you."

Torii favored Justin with an arch look. "If she's under eighteen, just say no."

"This isn't  _that_  kind of advice either. It's way more complex than that. There's... okay, there's this  _woman_  who has a crush on me.... I think."

"You think," Torii echoed.

"Well, she keeps doing really nice things for me. I mean, she cooked for me this one time."

"Okay..."

"And she's really good about helping me keep my routine perfect when I'm on a streak, 'cause, like, she knows that's important to me, I guess?"

The elevator arrived at their floor, and dinged to get their attention. As they stepped into the elevator, Justin continued, "And, I mean, it's cool and all that she has a crush, but it's kind of weird for me, 'cause I'm just not into du--her. And--"

The doors to the elevator closed, and Torii leaned back against the wall before he interrupted, "So this  _is_  about Joe."

"What? No!"

"Hey, it's cool. You don't have to cover for him. I was pretty sure he's into that kind of thing anyway, 'cause this spring training he was hanging out with this one guy a lot..."

Justin realized his mouth was open, and worked very hard to close it. He was pretty sure he looked a little bit like a fish. "Joe's  _gay_?"

And for no good reason at all Torii just burst into laughter, doubling over and occasionally sucking in a wheezing breath. "Oh my God," he said. "Oh my God."

"What?"

Torii rested his hands on his knees and forced another couple breaths. "I just-- You thought he was--" Torii broke into snickers again for a moment. "You thought he was just  _gay for you_?" he asked incredulously.

"I--"

"Holy shit," Torii wheezed, and started laughing again. "How fucking gay are you  _for him_?"

And Justin was going to defend himself, because seriously, he'd come to Torii for  _advice_  about how to turn down someone you cared about and Torii just laughed in his face and called him gay--not that there was anything  _wrong_  with that--but then the elevator doors opened, and Torii was shaking his head and walking down to the lobby still snickering to himself, and there was nothing like running through a hotel lobby proclaiming your heterosexuality to make everyone in the free world think you were protesting a little bit too much.

So instead, Justin rode the elevator back up to his floor to hang out in his room and watch this really sweet special on snakes on the Discovery Channel.

*

By September, Justin  _had_  to say something. Nothing in particular brought it on; Joe hadn't been quite as overt about his crush since Rabe got called up and moved into the basement. The point remained that Justin couldn't take it anymore. He had to set things straight with Joe before they got to the postseason and something horrible happened.

Justin headed downstairs, and poked his head into the room. Rabe and Joe were playing Soul Caliber loudly, flailing around on the couch.

"Fuck you fuck you fuck you," Joe said, shifting to mash more buttons on the controller like a change in movement would actually help.

"I am the  _king_!" Rabe pointed out helpfully just before Joe's character died.

"Hey, Joe, man," Justin said, seizing an opportunity.

Joe glanced up and waved his controller at Justin, "You wanna play winner? I warn you now, this guy cheats."

"No. No. I... I think we gotta have, like, a house meeting. I gotta talk to you about something."

Joe shrugged. "...Okay. Go for it."

Rabe fiddled with his controller, scrolling through his character options for the next bout.

Justin shook his head. "No. I mean, like, you and me need to have a talk."

Rabe glanced up. "I live here, too!"

"You don't even pay rent," Justin pointed out.

Rabe rolled his eyes and went back to trying to pick another character with which to kick Joe's ass.

Joe sighed, pushing himself up off the couch. "'Kay. I'll be right back," he said to Rabe. "Don't break anything."

"I know how to use a fuckin' Playstation!" Rabe shouted after him and Justin and Joe climbed the stairs back up and out of the basement.

Joe shut the door to the basement behind him once they reached the first floor, then turned to lean against it. "What?" he asked, and Justin had never really seen Joe look quite so... exasperated before. Maybe he knew what was coming and that irritated him. Justin felt kind of bad about the whole thing, but it had to be done.

"Look, about your crush on me," Justin finally began.

Joe blinked. "My  _what_."

"It's okay, really!" Justin exclaimed, even though it obviously  _wasn't_  okay, because otherwise he wouldn't be talking to Joe about it. "Well. Wait. I mean. It's... it's okay in  _theory_. But it's a little weird for me."

Joe opened his mouth as if to say something, but no actual words came out. He closed his mouth again.

"Not that you're not a cool guy and all, and I'm flattered and everything. It's just, y'know. I'm not really into you like that, and living with you and all, I just-- things might get uncomfortable."

Justin realized he was rambling, and finally forced himself to stop talking.

Joe looked absolutely confused; maybe he'd thought Justin was gay, too, and oh God. He'd have to ask him what he'd done that had made Joe think that so Justin could stop doing it because otherwise everyone was going to get the wrong idea, and that would just be uncomfortable.

Finally Joe said, his voice very quiet, "You think I have a crush."

Justin nodded.

"On you." Joe continued.

"I'm pretty irresistible. You shouldn't be embarrassed," Justin said.

Joe shut his eyes and slumped back against the door. "I seriously have no idea what to do with you."

"Uh... what?" Justin said, because Joe wasn't acting particularly rejected. Maybe he'd already resigned himself to Justin's lack of reciprocation. Now Justin felt like kind of a douchebag for bringing it up.

"Don't worry about it, man," Joe said. "I just can't believe you thought that--" Joe shook his head, and turned to open the door to the basement again. "You wanna come save me from the hell that is Rabe endlessly kicking my ass at Soul Caliber?"

"Uh, sure," Justin said. "We can school him at Guitar Hero, right?"

So talking to Joe about it hadn't really done any good, because Joe seemed to totally miss the point Justin had been trying to make which was that he liked his virgin ass just the way it was, thank you. On the plus side, they discovered that Rabe had pretty much no sense of rhythm, so they got to embarrass him at Guitar Hero at least, which was how their relationship with rookies  _should_  be.

*

The post-season ended up sucking pretty hard, and then Justin had to move out of the townhouse and go back to Canada.

At first it was pretty cool, 'cause he won the MVP, and he got to lie around his room for a week ignoring the series between the A's and the Tigers and watching the Canucks instead, and then he got to ignore the Tigers and the Cardinals and watch the Canucks and start working out instead.

And then he remembered that hockey was all right but that he really loved baseball, and he really hated off-season work-outs, and the only other ballplayers nearby were Rich Harden (who was kind of a fucker), some kids he didn't know very well down in Seattle, and Jason Bay, who lived about seven hours away in the middle of nowhere and didn't count.

It took a bit of getting used to, being home, because he missed the team, and Torii being a smartass, and Punto being a little bitch, and Radke pitching even though he barely had a shoulder anymore, and Neshek's endless blogging, and Rabe living in the basement, and even Joe's crush on him, which was at least comfortable at this point.

By November, he broke down and stopped texting Joe and just called him. It occurred to him when Joe answered, a little bit sleepily, that he should have done the math about time zones and remembered that Joe was two hours ahead, but Joe didn't seem too out of it, just said, "Hey. I thought you died."

"I was just... y'know. Moping. 'Sup?"

"Eh. Not much," Joe replied. "Working out, went to a football game, broke up with Chelsea."

Oh shit. Joe broke up with his  _totally hot_  girlfriend over this crush? It was worse than Justin had thought. "Seriously?"

He could practically hear Joe's shrug over the line. "Yeah. Once I wasn't on the road all the time and she wasn't in New York all the time it kind of... turns out we didn't like each other that much."

"Huh," Justin said. His mind helpfully pointed out that he and Joe saw each other pretty much every waking hour during the season and  _they_  got along just fine. Was Joe trying to tell him something?

"Hey," Joe began, "You wanna come visit sometime in December? There's gonna be a pre-holidays thing, and Mom said to invite some guys from the team if I wanted."

Justin's mouth went dry because, seriously, worst segue  _ever_ , Mauer. "Uh. I'm gonna be kinda--"

"Hey, it's cool. Just wanted to let you know."

*

They talked on the phone a lot over the off-season, really, because Joe didn't like to leave the house any more than he actually had to, and so never  _met_  people, and because Justin  _did_  leave the house but it was boring and kind of sucked and--the point was that they talked a lot, but seeing Joe again at spring training was a totally different animal.

Justin had almost been able to forget about Joe's crush on him, had hoped absence made the heart forgetful, but Joe looked up from his drink down in the hotel bar and saw him and smiled, and it was obvious--he still had the crush.

Justin was a cool guy, though, and Joe was his friend, so he sat down, and they had some beers, signed a couple autographs for the guys who had come down to Arizona to get close to their favorite ballplayers but were really pretty okay guys.

Finally, Justin, a little too relaxed from the alcohol, said, "So. I think maybe we shouldn't live together this season."

"Only want to win one MVP?" Joe asked.

Justin snorted. "I just, y'know. I should get out there, get my own place. I'm a little old to be rooming with my teammates."

Joe shrugged. "I was thinking of getting a different house anyway. Out in the suburbs and all. Maybe rent the townhouse to any of the new guys who break camp with us, y'know?"

Joe was playing the whole thing pretty cool, Justin noticed. He was a pretty socially adept dude.

And when Justin made it up to his hotel room he found himself lying in the bed, overcome by the fear that he'd completely and totally fucked up his luck forever by moving out of the house. Stupid Joe and his stupid crush.

*

Justin had been living in his new house for exactly three days, and it sucked. He came home from the park, and he was the only person in his house, and it wasn't nearly as much fun watching stupid TV without Joe around--without even a random rookie around. He picked up a couple of those RPG-style videogames at the store the day before because he could play those by himself and they took hours upon hours to finish. Justin was aware that he was turning into a giant nerd.

By the third day in his new house alone, Justin decided that first of all, he needed to spend more time out with the other guys on the team before he finally came home, and secondly, he kind of missed Joe and his stupid crush. Sure, it was awkward, but it was pretty cool living with a dude who liked him that much. He got to hang out with a really fun guy kind of a lot, and that wasn't anything to complain about.

Obviously, he kind of missed Joe's presence.

Justin lay back on his couch, and started channel-surfing, looking for something worth watching, but just watching TV for hot chicks was less fun without someone to talk about said hot chicks with.

On the second run through the channels, Justin gave up, settling on some channel showing music videos, which lately was all about skinny dudes in eyeliner pretending they were in a circus or something, and not like that golden year of 2002 when music videos were mostly about Shakira shaking her ass and the  _entire world_  ejaculating in response, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

Justin relaxed into the couch, letting the remote drop from his fingers onto the floor, and rested his free hand on his stomach.

Given that he was a professional athlete, his life was pretty boring. Joe's crush on him couldn't have been  _that_  bad, right?

Justin tried to imagine it, Joe really being forward with his crush, like maybe Joe would let himself get a little bit drunker than he usually did, and be really forward, up in Joe's personal space. Maybe Joe really would, in his frustration of Justin being  _right there_  and yet completely out of his reach, get himself totally wasted and come onto Justin anyway, looming just that little bit over Justin, hand on either side of Justin's shoulders, leaning over him, Justin backed up against the wall, trapped.

And, what? Justin would say, "Hey, man. I'm not--"

But Joe wouldn't listen, you know? 'Cause he wasn't in his right mind. He'd just duck his head and his mouth would be on Justin's, teeth and tongue, and kind of like that one girl Justin slept with in A-ball with all the tattoos.

Justin shifted a little on couch, letting his legs relax, spreading a little bit, 'cause she'd been pretty hot. Total tiger in the sack.

And, see, Justin wouldn't really respond to Joe's kiss, even though the girl who'd kissed like that--that had been some hot shit, but it would just be weird with Joe, and Joe would say, "Just let me," and because it was just the made up world in Justin's head, when Joe's knees hit the carpet, he didn't hiss in pain 'cause of the bad knee, just reached for Justin's belt, and--

"Hey. Hey." Justin would say, because he hadn't signed up for any of that, but then Joe had Justin's belt undone and his pants open and his cock out and his mouth around the head.

Justin's hand slipped from his stomach down inside his boxers, and he was pushing his boxers down with his other hand, one hand wrapping around his cock, the other down, cupping, rolling his balls and--

The thing was that the blowjob wouldn't be very good because Joe was drunk, and he probably didn't do this sort of thing a lot because obviously Joe was the kind of guy who repressed his desires since he'd had that crush on Justin all that time and just denied, denied, denied, but really, in spite of the alcohol and the lack of experience, Joe was totally into it, and enthusiasm was nature's aphrodisiac, and also Joe would probably look pretty hot like that.

It didn't take all that long before Justin came, so hard he shot past his shoulder, and then all over his tee-shirt, and--Huh.

_Huh._

*

"So I think I'm maybe kind of gay for you," Justin said.

He frowned. That was pretty lame. And a little bit too qualified.

Justin scrubbed his hands over his face, then looked back into the mirror of his hotel bathroom.

"So.... I think I'm a little bit gay. Torii says you had a boyfriend last spring. I think we should hook up. It'd be pretty sweet." No, no. Too wordy. He'd barely make it past the first sentence and Joe would just say, "So? Why are you telling me?"

Justin turned away from the mirror, and leaned against the basin. This was so stupid. First of all, he wasn't even sure he was into dudes. Sure, there had been a few other jerk-off fantasies back in high school, mostly about guys he didn't know very well, but they'd pretty much gone away once he wasn't fourteen years old anymore, and just  _now_  they decided to come back, and just  _now_  he had to get the hots for his teammate and ex-roommate and close friend.

Lame, world.

Still, Justin thought, last year, when he'd been living with and friends with Joe, he'd had a career year. An MVP-caliber year. Clearly that was some sort of sign from the powers that be that he and Joe were a great combination. A lucky combination. Like putting twos and threes together. So maybe this was just the next, natural step. The step of cocksucking.

Justin was pretty sure he was down with cocksucking, although that was entirely theory. Sure, he'd jerked off about it a couple times in the week since his epiphany, and the  _idea_  of getting up close and personal with Joe's dick was pretty hot, but there was a major difference between a jerk-off fantasy being hot and an actual act being hot.

Still, maybe if he told Joe, and explained the whole thing to him, Joe would be cool with it. Sort of ease him into things with lots of handjobs.  _That_  Justin could definitely handle.

And it wasn't like Justin was some kind of scaredy-cat or anything. He just had to think of the best possible way to tell Joe that he was cool with the crush now, and that maybe they should make out or something. He didn't want to waste a perfectly good epiphany.

*

They'd just lost a game to Kansas City--seriously,  _Kansas City_ \--and Justin caught Joe on his way up to his hotel room. "Hey, Joe. We should hang out," Justin said.

Joe blinked at him, a little bit surprised, and it occurred to Justin that in all his introspection he'd forgotten to actually talk to Joe all that much the last couple weeks.

"I'm kinda... I don't really feel like going out tonight," Joe said, and that was cool, because Justin didn't either. They were already on the same page!

"That's cool. It's just. We haven't talked all that much since I moved out," Justin said.

Joe shrugged. "Yeah, sure. I'm not really up for crashing just yet."

The entire elevator ride up to their floor, Justin wasn't very talkative because he was steeling himself for the inevitable reveal. It was going to be the best ever, if he could manage to get the words out right.

"You okay?" Joe asked, as they made their way down the hall ro Joe's room. "You're not usually so--"

"Introspective?" Justin suggested.

"Quiet."

"Yeah, well. Big thoughts," Justin said as Joe opened the door to his room.

The door had barely shut behind them before Justin said, "So, look. I kind of need to ask you something."

Joe sat down at the foot of his bed. "Yeah, sure. Shoot."

"Do you want to make out with me?"

Joe stared at Justin for almost an entire minute, completely silent, before he burst into laughter, falling back against the bed.

"What? What?" Justin asked.

"I don't have a crush on you, dude," Joe said, and burst into laughter again.

Justin paused. This was already not going according to plan. "Well, why not?" he demanded.

Joe snorted, curling onto his side, clutching his stomach, still shaking with silent laughter. "Well, there's the part where you're  _crazy_."

"Right, but that's an endearing trait!" Justin said. "I'm just saying. I think I'd be okay with making out with you. We should do that sometime."

"Oh my  _God_."

"I can give you some time to get used to the idea of me finally returning your--"

"Jesus!" Joe exclaimed, pushing himself up, upright. "I don't have a crush on you, Justin. I haven't ever."

"You don't think I'm hot?" Justin said, his voice coming out very small. It was a little bit embarrassing.

Joe shrugged. "I guess," he said. "But--"

"See? We should definitely make out."

Joe's fingertips came up to press against his temples. "Yeah. No way."

"Why not? I'm hot, you're hot, making out is fun. I'm really not seeing the problem here."

"So you're not even thinking about the, what, seven months you were totally freaking out about the crush on you that I  _didn't actually have_?"

Justin sat down next to Joe on the bed. "I think you're worrying too much about that."

"You're fucking crazy," Joe said emphatically. "And even if you weren't fucking crazy, you definitely wore the same pair of socks for over a week, like, four times last year, and I'm not down with that."

"They were lucky."

"They were  _gross_."

"Well, I'm not  _asking_  you to make out with my  _feet_ ," Justin huffed.

"Thank God for small favors," Joe said, and then Justin kissed him.

It was completely different than Justin had expected, mostly because Joe's mouth didn't move at first, and his hand came up to Justin's shoulder, like he was going to push Justin off, and it occurred to Justin about a second in that maybe Torii had lied to him and this might have been a very stupid move.

But then Joe's hand tightened a little on Justin's shoulder, and Justin got his tongue in Joe's mouth, and from there on it was pretty much smooth sailing.

*

They didn't move back in together, though.


End file.
